


I can't be dead, can I?

by melancholic_mika



Series: logan and the others didn't get permission for this feel trip [3]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders is a Good Friend, Bad Writing, Brief mentions of suicide, Depersonalization, Derealization, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fear of Death, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Late Night Writing, Logan Gets A Hug, Logic | Logan Sanders Angst, Logic | Logan Sanders Needs a Hug, Logic | Logan Sanders is Bad at Feelings, Other, Panic, except the comfort is bad bc im a bad writer, i mean same, or going to get help, still cannot tag ahhh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:29:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24272851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melancholic_mika/pseuds/melancholic_mika
Summary: Logan wakes up during the night and doesn't feel real anymore. Oh god, his brain loves torturing him, doesn't it?
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders
Series: logan and the others didn't get permission for this feel trip [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1699528
Comments: 4
Kudos: 77





	I can't be dead, can I?

**Author's Note:**

> hey loves, this is me venting through logan. again. this isn't the best since my mental health is horrendous right now but i think i put it into words. here are some warnings x  
> -brief mention of suicide (one sentence total)  
> -general sad tones  
> -various mental health issues (derealisation, depersonalization, depression, severe panic etc)  
> if that upsets you, please don't read, I don't want to make you all upset. stay safe, ily.  
> p.s i'm not a psychologist (yet aha) so if things are incorrect and/or upsetting, i'm sorry. if you need support, don't hesitate to get some, okay? thank you

Logan woke up with a gasp. What was the time? Why the fuck was he up at 3 am? Didn't he go to bed at 12? Surely, 3 hours isn't sufficient for him, right? He never wakes up at 3. 

~~Actually you have for the past couple weeks or so, you dumbass~~.

Something was off with him. He felt... _weird._ He felt weirdly light, weightless. What was happening? Had he died in his sleep? _ohnowhydidyouthinkthat?_

~~You're dead. You're dead. You're dead. You're stuck like this for eternity. No one will ever talk to you again. You died alone. You're a monster, YOU'RE DEAD. YOU'RE DEAD. YOU'RE DEAD.~~

He did die, he must have died. Logan began to panic. He had plans, the afterlife is fucking terrifying, why did he die now? Logan desperately tried to feel his heartbeat or his breath, something to prove to his _stupid_ mind he wasn't dead but he always wasn't the best at finding his heartbeat. Shit.

~~YOU'RE DEAD. THAT'S NOT YOUR BREATH. IT'S NOT. YOU'RE FORCING YOURSELF TO EXHALE. YOU'RE DEAD. WHERE'S YOUR HEARTBEAT?? SEE?? YOU'RE DEAD.~~

Logan started to cry, wasn't this ironic? He didn't want to live anymore but he was scared of dying. He was scared of being dead. He wanted to scream but he couldn't bring himself too. He kept trying to put his hand on his heart so the thump would calm him down but it wasn't strong enough. It wasn't loud enough. His thoughts kept echoing around his skull, this was torture. Why did his brain do this to himself? Wasn't the depression enough? Why were you making him suffer like this? 

~~hhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SOMEONE HELP ME I DON'T WANT TO DIE, PLEASE.~~

He tried telling someone before, Patton. Patton was nice about it, didn't make fun of him like he thought he would but he didn't understand. This wasn't just a passing thought that he had control over. Why did everyone treat it like it wasn't a big deal? This is affecting his life now, he doesn't feel real anymore. He's dead. 

He didn't blame Patton though, this is an unusual thing for someone to go through, right? At least, he didn't hear about it. His thoughts were cut off by a knock at his door. 

"Logan? Are you still awake? Are you okay? Can I come in?"

So someone could hear him, at least. Is that Virgil? Maybe he isn't dead? 

~~NO. PEOPLE REPORT GHOST NOISES ALL THE TIME, THIS ISN'T PROVING ANYTHING, YOU'RE DEAD. NOT REAL.~~

"Yeah, I'm awake. You may enter," Logan rushed out before trying to compose himself. He didn't want to upset Virgil like this. The door creaked open so slowly before he stepped into the room, shutting the door behind him.

"Hey," Virgil spoke softly, shaken from the fact he never saw his friend like this. Okay, this was no time for his anxiety, his friend needed him. "You okay? I heard crying."

He was alive, Virgil was speaking to him and could hear him. That's sight and sound, dead people can't be seen or heard. At least if you believe ghosts don't exist, they could though.

~~You don't know shit, you could still be dead.~~

"Hey, Virgil," Logan whispered. "If you're okay with it, could I please have a hug? If not, that's okay. I just-" Logan was cut off by Virgil giving him a tight hug. He could be touched and didn't dissolve into thin air so that means touch is down. He refused to do taste as that was weird and unnecessary to his discovery. ~~Yeah, you weirdo. Don't ask him to taste you, that's fucking gross.~~

_Okay, I think I'm calming down now, I'm okay, I'm real, I'm fine._

Virgil, on the other hand, was worried he was doing the wrong thing. He was trying his hardest to be there for him, even know he didn't know what was going on. He continued hugging him, rubbing small circles on his back to help calm him down. He could feel Logan shaking in his arms

Logan started to sob into Virgil's shoulder, still worked up from the incident. "Shh, it's okay. I don't know what's up but you can tell me, it's all okay." He was okay, he wasn't dead yet. He told Virgil everything and he listened. He was okay, he's safe. 

_There's nothing to worry about, he was_ **okay.**

**Author's Note:**

> i really need to write about another character now, wow ahah. also thanks for reading x


End file.
